Ansel Adams Is Spinning In His Grave.

Guildford Cathedral 13/02/05

It's always a shame when you wake up out of a dream which included Katie Price & Scarlet Johansson.

Ahh well.

A quick hello to any new readers that have cared to check out my joint.

Stephan 'Fordinho' Ford... welcome.

Matt 'Batty' Batten... welcome.

Anyone else I left out... (Sarah & Cheryl?) welcome.

Jack, Aye, Dom, Blake, Newman, Collet, Ash, Hob, Scam (?), Gina (?), Jane, Kate, Louise (?)... I also wanna say hi guys. Hope life's treating you well.

Great, now that's sorted I'll continue by speaking of my recent experiences.

I'm sure a lot occurred before yesterday but I'm really struggling to recall what actually happened in last 5 mins (no difference there then), so I'm just going to skip straight to Tuesdays events.

I had a great time yesterday, Collet invited Alywin & myself to her college drama production up in London which is near Warren Street Station (I've forgotten the name of the college).

Now I dunno if I sed this before, but last time I was invited to her play I spent a full hour desperately looking around, trying to find out where her flippin' college was - by which time, I got there only to witness the sights of the spectators cheering and the cast bowing & walking off stage...

Blast.

Agreed, it was inarguably amusing but explicitly frustrating all in one.

This time I was determined not to miss it on pain of death, even though I couldn't actually remember how I finally got there the first place. Thankfully when we got there we were greeted by the friendly (if unbelievably tiny) long-time friend of Collet's, Ruth.

Now I met Ruth once before at a gig of one of Penge's proudest rock acts, Frequency Suspects - may they rest in peace (they all died in a freak gardening accident I heard) - but I never remember her being so tiny.

I'm sure she's heard it all before,

but SHE'S TINY!

I'm starting to doubt whether she actually was sitting down that time and actually just bending her knees slightly.

Anyway.

Since we had a fair, few minutes before the play started. We decided to have a sit down & chat over a couple Subway's. Being new to the delights of how-to-buy-a-sandwich-in-Subway, I ended up having pretty much every choice of salad ingredients they could possibly fit in the blasted bread, then picking half of it out, as I was too 'English' to say no.

But by 'eck it was a good sandwich. Something tells me I will be buying more from there at a later date. I can feel the cravings building already.

4 jalapeno peppers & 2 'Free refills' later, we went to the college and watched '7 Deadly Sins'.

Lest I say, Collet was fantastic, and it really looked like she gave her 'lustful' boyfriend a right old walloping in the chops. Ahh, The magic of theater trickery... you can beat a man to near death and not be pressed charges for it... fantastic.

Amongst many other amusing sketches including the black weather woman and 'Ah' - the revolutionary Caribbean medicine for angry men. Reminded me of the Lenny Henry show!

After that there was a dance performance based on the same theme.

I've never gone to see a dancing performance before, so that was really cool. Needless to say, I was blatantly oggling over all the crazy body-bending stunts, some of the lovely young ladies were performing (Hey, I am a guy after all!).

That was fun.

But the dude who stole the show for me had to be the Afro dude. Usher had nothing on this guy. He was pulling moves like a Daddylong-legs on ice. Backflips, Body Pops, Flaminkoes you name it. Amazing. I wish I could do that.

Coming a definite close second though was the butt-gyrating, crunk-dancing other friend of Collet's - that was hilarious.

Today's start was pretty funny aswell.

Deciding it really was time to do some actual photography, I left my house on the way to college, Pentax K1000 in-hand, with the intent of finding a theme to photograph my Stereotype project. I walked 3 houses until I came up to a Car in a driveway with a Millwall FC Bumper Sticker pronouncing "no-one likes us - we don't care". Well you couldn't get much more Stereocast than that really could you?

Brilliant... I figured that taking pictures of various car features to represent a type of person was as good as any other idea I could do.

Plus taking pictures of Cars... how hard can it be right? Ha Ha Ha.

Wrong.

I set up my shot, took one snap, when all of a sudden the front door opened...

"Err... What You Think You're Doing Mate?"

I tell ya I was fearing for my life. I'm too young to die from an angry Dressing gowned Millwall supporter. In fact it took me so back I nearly dropped my camera in the process.

Feeling like I was back in secondary school, I had to explain to him that I was a Photography student doing a project and that I liked the slogan on his car. As pathetic as that sounded, he bought it, or at least it bought me some extra time before he started throttling me to the ground and spitting Milwallian obscenities to my face at point blank range.

Cowering under him I spoke a thousand apologies and slowly but surely backed away from sight.

Phew, I'm still alive.

Well this left me in a right predicament. If people are gonna be this hostile when I take a snap of their car, I better go stealth.

From then on it was Splinter Cell or nothing; I waited until every passer-by had disappeared from site, then quickly snapped my shot & ranaway into the shadows before the car owners could notice... harder than you would imagine.

I got caught on more than one occasion, this time by a puzzled Mercedes driver.

Agreed... my attempt at shimmying drain pipes & split jumps didn't work out as planned but the results will soon be revealed when I go to get them processed tomorrow.

Hope I haven't babbled onto much.

Just to point out - check out the lovely pick at the top... it's by my matey, The magnificent Dom Christie.

Thought he should get a mention for keeping the ol' camera skills a rollin' (ba, dum, cymbal splash - geddit). Coz I know he wouldn't tell anyone unless he had too, it's his 19th BDay on the 23rd this month, so don't forget...

I'm looking forward to trying to get him well & truly bladdered.

I'll see most of you guys very soon.

(Jane, I'll be in Cheltenham on the 2nd/3rd for a Interview - I'll probs see you then.)

Tarah.

Milhouse Definitions (pt.1)

Because - like always - no one knows what the hell I'm talking about...

A 'Heiny' (pr. high-knee) is a butt...
A Bottom...
An Arse...
An Ass...
A Posteria...
Abdomen...
Booty...
A Toosh...

Yeah?

So therefore a fake heiny must be any of the above but made out of plastic.

Yeah?

Does everybody get that now?

"I'm Rick James"

Like I said, I've posted a link to show all of you in the 'W.H.D.M.H.N' fan club a picture of my brand spanking new version of a haircut for all to enjoy.

There's also a few other piccys I've added today - some going way back, and others from the New Year's Eve Celebrations.
'Enjoy Yourselves'

U remember that, 'If you had to choose only 1' quiz I texted a few of you?

Well I got an interesting mix of views on such choices as 'whether you'd prefer a huge mole or a huge face' - it was quite amusing reading particular peoples decisions.

If you didn't get one, It's probably because I don't your number, but your more than welcome to leave a comment with your choices if you like.

You could even request a few new questions if you like.

I'll even try to make it into a proper poll like I did before if you like.

Whatever you want!

I hope the people don't mind me putting down their choices... Make of them what you will.

The Original Questions:

White Chocolate or Dark Chocolate?

Lift or Elevator?

Wings or Gills?

Swiming Pool or Jacuzi?

Sight or Sound?

Too Hot or Too Cold?

1960 or 2040?

Ghosts or Vampires?

Off Fish or Off Cheese?

A Huge Mole or A Fake Heiny?

Red or Blue?

The Platypus or The Giraffe?

MJ (Michael Jackson) or JK (Jamiroquai)?

Soap or Toothpaste?

Replies:

Kate Gillanders:

Dark Chocolate, Lift, Wings, Jakuzi, Sight, ???, Too Hot, Ghosts, Off Cheese, Fake Heiny, Red, Platypus, MJ, Toothpaste.

Sam Butt:

White Chocolate, Wings, Evevator, Pool, Sight, 1960, Too Hot, Ghosts, Off Cheese, Huge Mole, Red, Giraffe, MJ, Soap.

Gem Carman:
White Chocolate, Lift, Wings, Pool, Sight, 2040, Too Hot, Vampires, Off Cheese, Fake Heiny, Red, Giraffe, MJ, Toothpaste.

Sam Blake:

Dark Chocolate, Lift, Wings, Pool, Sound, 1960, Too Hot, Ghosts, Off Cheese, Huge Mole, Red, Giraffe, MJ, Soap.

Milhouse (Me):
Dark Chocolate, Elevator, Gills, Pool, Sight, 1960, Too Hot, Ghosts, Off Cheese, Huge Mole, Blue, Giraffe, MJ, Soap.

Jane Gillanders:

White Chocolate, Lift, Wings, Pool, Sight, 2040, Too Hot, Ghosts, Off Fish, Fake Heiny, Red, Giraffe, MJ, Toothpaste.

Collet Collins:

White Chocolate, Elevator, Wings, ???, Sight, 1960, Too Hot, Ghosts, ???, ???, Red, Giraffe, JK ???.

Hmmm... Fish, Jane? Off fish that is. Seems like you're the odd one out there love. : )

You always were strange thought weren't you?

Ne way C U L8r peeps.

BTW... You've gotta see that new Golf Gti 'Singing In The Rain' ad that Aylwin's been raving about to me the whole of yesterday.

I found a good quality link to it, so as long as you have 3Mb's of space left, there's no excuse is there. Right click here and click 'Save Target As' then download it & laugh your head off - It's fantastic visuals, very clever indeed.

Sleeping Is A Lot Like The Karma Sutra...

It's Awful.
I seem to have forgotten how to get to sleep!

I'm going though all the usual steps...
- find a comfortable position
- close my eyes
- think of stuff and
- drift of into dreamstate

But it only lasts about 5 mins and I'm awake again.
Gad, Dammit!

All my usual positions don't satisfy me anymore (ahem, Blake keep it to yourself).
The 'horizontal right-sided ballerina' that I've perfected over the years certainly does nothing now.

I tried finding new and exciting sleeping positions such as the exotic 'lying-on-my-back' position... Nothing.

I've experimented with pillows... 1 Pillow, 2 Pillows ... Nothing.

I've even gone as far as counting sheep... Drastic, I know but it's no use.

I must be some form of Insomnia, it must be - For four nights now, I've been like this. I'm beginning one wonder if watching Fight Club so many times has made an affect on my nocturnal lifestyle.

Who knows, I too could have my own alter ego parading around the streets of West Wickham, starting fights with ATM machine's and bags of clothes left outside Oxfam
(If you've ever been to West Wickham, you'll know what I mean).

Anyway. Let's hope Mr. Sandman will be kinder tonight eh?

It' been a while since I've made a mark on my own webblog. I have to say I've been enjoying leaving comments on other peoples like Hob Disk's.
Although today, Hob accused me of trying to stage a cussing battle by posting as both myself and an anonymous user.
Would I do such a thing?!?
Of course not. That's the answer.

It was some other punk who won't own up to what his name is.
Now I have my suspicions that it was Newman as it looks like his style of writing, but I don't know why Newman would be on Hob site. Hmm? The mystery continues.

Those who are followers of the 'What-haircut-does-Milhouse-have-now' club will be pleased to know a new style is around to rock your socks off.

It all started with Ash & Newman begging me to shave my head into a Mohawk as they thought it would be cool.
Now at the time I was happy leaving a skatty, blonde 'afro-of-a-mess' on the upper region of my head, and I was set in ways that they were not going to touch my hair with a Remington barge pole.

After about half an hour of nagging & nagging & pleading & puppy dog eyes, I started to crumble.
My argument against why I shouldn't have a Mohawk didn't really make sense anymore.
The bombardment of pro's (eg. the fact of wearing a mean, 'f**k you' haircut for the rest of the world to cower over in terror) totally outweighed the cons (eg. what my mother would think if she saw it).

Then, the final blow came when Ash offered me money...
That was the first time I ever had the 'barber' give me money for him to cut my own hair.
I futilely accepted.

I have to say. Even though it was way shorter than I would have imagined, they did do a pretty good job of it. It took me a couple of days to get used to it but now, even though it's not that offensive I was pleased I had it. And can officially tick off 'get a Mohawk' in my list of things to do before I die list.

Nice one guys. I'll get a pic online A.S.A.P.*

It's only a shame it came a day too late, so that I could rock in style at the Velvet Revolver gig Ash, Aye, Newman & I went to the day before. They rocked pretty hardcore might I add.

Three of them are ex-Guns n' Roses if ya didn't know.
Admittedly, I did make an arse of myself when I called Slash, Slade.
IT WAS A SLIP OF THE TOUNGE! OK?

Since then I bought the album off t'internet and currently have my Stereo set at 11 whenever I'm home.

I've bought a lot of albums online recently. I just bought Skunk Ansie 5 mins ago in fact.

V.good. I love their style. I remember it was my cousin Kate who got me into them on our ledgendary South France holiday ages ago. Ahh good times!

I recall one time the parents had gone wine tasting, so Louise & Kate were in charge of us rascals. In our innocence, you managed to make us attempt to wear every piece of clothing that we had in our luggage case... All in under a minute.

We looked quite ridiculous by the end - there were socks desperately hanging off ears, knickers flying all over the place and everything!

Well I'm off now.

It's the last Alpha session tonight, and I looking forward to whoever's culinary delights await me.
Ciao.

* Just incase any one didn't know there is a link to my photo site in the top right called 'Milhouse Snaps' - thought I'd clear that up for people unaware.

Thanks to those who completed my 'if you had to choose only one' pop text on Sunday,
I'll be posting the results next time.