51% Chicken, 23% Turkey

Man, Edenbridge is crap.

Words can't express enough how unbelievably rubbish Edenbridge is.

If you don't own a car, and have no ambition for making the effort to wait a hour to catch the next train elsewhere, it feels very much like an open prison. Judging by the look of some of our locals, I would say this isn't far from the truth.

Now I'm not certain about many things in life - you know this - but as I walked down the road today, it struck me that if I had lived here all my life so far, I am positively convinced, that of this moment right now, I'd be scrambling for coins in my back pocket at my regular bookies, have 11 felonies for joyriding and gross misconduct under my belt and a substantial portion of my ear missing after that time firework incident when terribly wrong, back when I started binge drinking at the age of 14.

There are maybe 4 things you should know about Edenbridge:

1) It's closest neighboring town is the ever-so-nicer looking Hever - home of Hever Castle - formally the childhood home of Henry VIII's 2nd wife, Anne Boleyn ("she was like...decapitated... by the head, you knoooow?").

2)Bizarrely, in Edenbridge there's a river called Eden, and it runs through Edenbridge... and then goes under a very-unfantastic-looking bridge.

3)In keeping with this 'very-unfantastic-looking' theme, Edenbridge has slurry of high street attractions, including a 25m swimming pool, about 5 'locals-only' pubs, numerous crap take-aways, a large Co-op (parking lot inc.), and 3 hair salons directly next to each other.
The sad thing is, all of these places at any one time are guaranteed to have more staff than customers.

4)Lastly, the most interesting thing to happen here in ages was the construction of a by-road that joins the top of the high street, goes around the large Co-op then connects back to the bottom of the street heading towards Hever. Presumably this is so drivers don't get depressed and deliberately crash their vehicle in an attempt to end it all as they pass through.

So, actually, there are only 3 things you should know about Edenbridge, since the first was really a fact about Hever.

My day off in Edenbridge was very looking very dull and depressing: with no snacks or chocolate to eat in the house I figured it was time to go outside and hope that maybe something mildly entertaining would happen.

I walked into 'The Phone Chamber' for the first time - a random phone repair shop that seems to not realize most of the town still lives in the dark ages, and prefers 'ye ol' cup n' string' method. They told me that to repair the broken phone I bought only 2 weeks ago, the cost would almost equal the phone itself. Disappointing.

I then went to Barclays to switch my account to student addictions only to find that they closed at 2:30pm. Two-Thirty! What the hell is going on there! Surely not.

Then, I walked too Boots to spend a small fortune getting just two rolls of negative developed. Hurtful.

I walked past Somerfield because the staff in there are absolutely shambolic. Honestly, a monkey with a severe case of herpes could do a better job than them. Instead, I strolled into Co-op, feeling it was high time I served myself the chocolate fix I had so long been depriving myself. I also managed to find a bargain in the 'reduced to clear' section in the form of 6 Chicken and Turkey Satays. 49p. Oh yes people.

Now I think that this post could potentially have been a lot harsher about the town that I'm living in at the moment. I was going to comment on how ugly the people here are.
Seriously I've not seen one pretty unfamiliar face in the whole 6/7 years my dad's been living here. The Johnston's ARE the only good looking family in town.
Currently, the dirty-inbred-chav look is still all the rage down in these parts. I believe the council made it mandatory for girls to wear dirty-great fake gold earrings when outside and for boys to smother their faces in hog fat every morning to as to give them that shiny acne glow.

But amongst all the upsetting knowledge I have given you about today's events, there was a saving grace...

Her name, was Clare B.

Ahh, Clare B from till 5.

I can honestly say I have not had a more intimate exchange of a five pound note for 87p in change quite like this before. Words were few, but the fire was hot. :)
She had the cutest smile and just beautiful eyes that just screamed to glanced into.
You know how it is... I'm a sucker for long glances. You look at someone and they know what you're thinking and you just know, they know, that you know that she knows what I'm thinking.
It's great fun.

I left with my receipt cluched in my hand and a wry smile on my face thinking... 'maybe Edenbridge isn't all that bad' : )