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The Milhouse Affairs

This is a detailed insider's account (namely me) on the living mystery that is, Matthew 'Milhouse' Johnston. Containing an amplitude of tales for everyone throughout my exciting, embarrassing, bewildering and shameless day-to-day lifestyle, I will bleed my heart out on to these electronic pages in the hope that you will be blessed with the knowledge that Milhouse is still very much alive, in sorts. Viva Las Milhouse... Forever!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Sleeping Is A Lot Like The Karma Sutra...

It's Awful.
I seem to have forgotten
how to get to sleep!

I'm going though all the usual steps...
- find a comfortable position
- close my eyes
- think of stuff and
- drift of into dreamstate

But it only lasts about 5 mins and I'm awake again.
Gad, Dammit!

All my usual positions don't satisfy me anymore (ahem, Blake keep it to yourself).
The 'horizontal right-sided ballerina' that I've perfected over the years certainly does nothing now.

I tried finding new and exciting sleeping positions such as the exotic 'lying-on-my-back' position... Nothing.

I've experimented with pillows... 1 Pillow, 2 Pillows ... Nothing.

I've even gone as far as counting sheep... Drastic, I know but it's no use.

I must be some form of Insomnia, it must be - For four nights now, I've been like this. I'm beginning one wonder if watching Fight Club so many times has made an affect on my nocturnal lifestyle.

Who knows, I too could have my own alter ego parading around the streets of West Wickham, starting fights with ATM machine's and bags of clothes left outside Oxfam
(If you've ever been to West Wickham, you'll know what I mean).

Anyway. Let's hope Mr. Sandman will be kinder tonight eh?

It' been a while since I've made a mark on my own webblog. I have to say I've been enjoying leaving comments on other peoples like Hob Disk's.
Although today, Hob accused me of trying to stage a cussing battle by posting as both myself and an anonymous user.
Would I do such a thing?!?
Of course not. That's the answer.

It was some other punk who won't own up to what his name is.
Now I have my suspicions that it was Newman as it looks like his style of writing, but I don't know why Newman would be on Hob site. Hmm? The mystery continues.

Those who are followers of the 'What-haircut-does-Milhouse-have-now' club will be pleased to know a new style is around to rock your socks off.

It all started with Ash & Newman begging me to shave my head into a Mohawk as they thought it would be cool.
Now at the time I was happy leaving a skatty, blonde 'afro-of-a-mess' on the upper region of my head, and I was set in ways that they were not going to touch my hair with a Remington barge pole.

After about half an hour of nagging & nagging & pleading & puppy dog eyes, I started to crumble.
My argument against why I shouldn't have a Mohawk didn't really make sense anymore.
The bombardment of pro's (eg. the fact of wearing a mean, 'f**k you' haircut for the rest of the world to cower over in terror) totally outweighed the cons (eg. what my mother would think if she saw it).

Then, the final blow came when Ash offered me money...
That was the first time I ever had the 'barber' give me money for him to cut my own hair.
I futilely accepted.

I have to say. Even though it was way shorter than I would have imagined, they did do a pretty good job of it. It took me a couple of days to get used to it but now, even though it's not that offensive I was pleased I had it. And can officially tick off 'get a Mohawk' in my list of things to do before I die list.

Nice one guys. I'll get a pic online A.S.A.P.*

It's only a shame it came a day too late, so that I could rock in style at the Velvet Revolver gig Ash, Aye, Newman & I went to the day before. They rocked pretty hardcore might I add.

Three of them are ex-Guns n' Roses if ya didn't know.
Admittedly, I did make an arse of myself when I called Slash, Slade.
IT WAS A SLIP OF THE TOUNGE! OK?

Since then I bought the album off t'internet and currently have my Stereo set at 11 whenever I'm home.

I've bought a lot of albums online recently. I just bought Skunk Ansie 5 mins ago in fact.

V.good. I love their style. I remember it was my cousin Kate who got me into them on our ledgendary South France holiday ages ago. Ahh good times!

I recall one time the parents had gone wine tasting, so Louise & Kate were in charge of us rascals. In our innocence, you managed to make us attempt to wear every piece of clothing that we had in our luggage case... All in under a minute.

We looked quite ridiculous by the end - there were socks desperately hanging off ears, knickers flying all over the place and everything!

Well I'm off now.

It's the last Alpha session tonight, and I looking forward to whoever's culinary delights await me.
Ciao.

* Just incase any one didn't know there is a link to my photo site in the top right called 'Milhouse Snaps' - thought I'd clear that up for people unaware.

Thanks to those who completed my 'if you had to choose only one' pop text on Sunday,
I'll be posting the results next time.

1 Comments:

At 12:07 am, February 03, 2005, Blogger ::BigBlake:: proclaimed...

Don't talk to me about sleeping, mate - For years I couldn't sleep. With insomnia, nothing is real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy...

Funnily enough, there was a proggy on the BBC tonight about sleeping better. I didn't watch all of it, as the website kinda said it all more quickly.

There's even a little quiz thing on there to see how likely you are to get a good night's sleep. Let's just say that I'll take it with a pinch of salt. Robert Winston or not.

* "All my usual positions don't satisfy me anymore (ahem, Blake keep it to yourself)." - I wasn't going to say anything! (So you want me to put my cock away now?)

* "I've experimented with pillows... 1 Pillow, 2 Pillows ... Nothing." - nothing beats doing it with a real woman. So I'm told.

* "It was some other punk who won't own up to what his name is." - I've got a pretty good feeling that I know who it is. (Something they said before when I was having a pop at them.) And I don't believe it's James N; some of you lot should put more faith in him.

* "Yo mama so nasty, that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh." - not heard that one before!

* "'What-haircut-does-Milhouse-have-now' club will be pleased to know a new style is around to rock your socks off" - send us a photo, mate. Could do with a laugh :-)

* "I futilely accepted." - you whore.

* "Admittedly, I did make an arse of myself when I called Slash, Slade. IT WAS A SLIP OF THE TOUNGE! OK?" - ha ha ha ha ha! Another mate of mine asked me to go to that as it happens. No, really.

Laters dude.

Blake

 

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