Cause & Effect

Universally, it is widely regarded that "cause & effect" is a common activity that keeps the world going round.
For Instance, without the cause of sunlight, photosynthesis would struggle to continue and all the poor little plants would eventually die which, in effect would then make all us poor little humans eventually die too, hence - cause and effect can have a very important role.

Another example of cause and effect with slightly less importance would be putting myself on one side of a room for 5 hours, free drinks on the other, and then seeing what happens when the two conjoin.
It probably comes no surprise to you that the effects of the following story include scenes of moderate over-confidence, mild calamity, and strong embarrassment throughout.

Prologueing very briefly, Alex Parks - the winner of Fame Academy - has a new album out and is currently Caffe Nero's 'artist of the month'. A while back, my lovely boss, Aisce (pr. Es-ka) and I were at the pub when she asked me if I would like to help her out selling tickets for Alex's gig which Caffe Nero had organised up in London's well known pub, The Bedford. She told me 'there would be free drinks of course', and, as I was already in a un-sober state I immediately of course said 'YES!'

Skipping the few days between then and now, I find myself in some random back hallway of the Bedford listening to the echoing sound of the warm-up band practising, and there's a pint of Guinness in my hand.

To be honest, once I got there and was introduced to the main people working behind the scenes, I had absolutely no idea what it was I was supposed to be doing! The fact that no one else helping out knew what was happening either didn't help much.

So for the first 5 or 10 minutes I tried walking around pretending to look like I was very involved, after that I ended up staring at the sound man fiddling with his hugely complicated looking mixing desk and then after that, tried directing my Boss and Pablo (the man in charge of what music Caffe Nero plays) to whether their sign should go to The 'left-a-bit' or The 'right-a-bit'. Then I went back to staring at a list of names on a piece of paper, attempting to play Clair-de-lune on a de-tuned piano... and that was pretty much the only contributing aspect I remember towards making this a successful gig.
They eventually told me I just needed to be by the doors from 10:30pm to 11pm in case there were any late arrivers. But by that time they realised that there wasn't going to be any late arrivers I was made pretty much redundant of any responsibilities.

Nevermind.
Luckily, I still managed to have a flippin' awesome time listening to some wicked live music* and yapping away to a bunch of very interesting people. Probably one of the best socials I've had for yonks.

As the drinks carried on coming, I was explaining to Guiseppe - my Italian workmate - how the education system works here in the UK whilst in tern, learning that he has a PhD in Law, which is something slightly surprising for someone who currently just makes coffee everyday.
Then I got chatting to the guy who hosted the Bedford's music acts finding out he was the keyboardist from the Cutting Crew. If you don’t know who they are, they had a major number one hit in the 80's - (I Just) Died In Your Arms - and faded into obscurity soon after I believe. Classic track, always reminds me of the soundtrack from GTA Vice City myself.
He did a few songs before the warm-up as well, including one called 'How Can I Love You?'. I thought was excellent, lovely chords, very Lennon sounding. His name's Toby Moore... if anyone can find me the song I'm talking about, let me know yeah?

After that - and this is about the time the alcohol had kicked in - I started chatting up a fine young lady in a green hat named April - who just so happened to be Alex Park's-manager's-son's-girlfriend.

She was sitting by the merchandise stall looking very lonely so I thought it might be nice to keep her company, and why not after all? Everything seemed to be going very well and friendly until her boyfriend's Mum - Alex Parks's manager - came to talk to her.

Now it's important for me to point out & I want to make this perfectly clear to you, that by this time I had consumed a my second Guinness as well as 1 and a 1/2 large glasses of red wine, ok?
I stood back and waited by the merchandise for them to finish talking. As I was feeling nicely fuzzy and delightedly happy with the current situation that I was in, I unconsciously started waving my half full glass in a circular motion like the guys you see doing it on wine tasting shows. Much was the extend of my circular~waving motion, that of course the wine goes flying out of the glass and conveniently lands all over the merchandise table, immediately getting soaked up by the very large pile of Alex Parks posters on display.

HOW SHIT DO I FEEL RIGHT NOW? HONESTLY?

PRETTY SHIT.

Bugger, Bugger, Bugger..!

I know I'm quite susceptible to these sort of occasions - even without drinking involved - but really, who would of thought waving your wine glass around could land you into such trouble!?! :S

I count my lucky stars this time that no one had noticed!
They were still talking to each other, which gave me a perfect opportunity to very casually leave the crime scene with no indication as to whom the real culprit was. I felt so guilty.
How had I got away with this?
How much property damage had I delivered?
How many angry fans will there be, knowing they can't get a poster signed?
What if they had saw me?
Worse..! What if Alex found out it was me!?!
I watched through the crack of a doorframe as they later discovered the edges of the posters were all warped and most noticeably, red. Oh god that was bad.

Thankfully I'm still here and there was no CCTV evidence pointing me out. Which also is quite handy, as I later discovered when I got home that there was an Alex Parks T-shirt in my coat pocket. I have no recollection of how it got there, or even why I have it in XXL.
I think, I must have nicked it. I mean, why else would I have it unless I attempted to nab the closest souvenir I could find?

Why else would they sell XXL t-shirts unless everyone did the same thing that I must of done?
I did actually get the opportunity to say hello to Alex (very small she was) but seeing as I destroyed a fair bit of her merchandise, it probably wasn't best to say too much really.
Later in the evening, I spoke to the bassist member of Helen Boulding (the actual warm-up act) who was a very cool guy and must have had the most ridiculous-looking coat that I have seen in ages. Awesome.
Then a little natter with few of the happy fans including a hilarious Aussie fella who didn't seem to want leave, as well as a cool camera enthusiast who was telling me all about the flash gun mounted on his Fuji Camera - the same one that I lost in Venice.
By the end of the night I got a number of emails and left feeling very peckish.

Bless you, Balham Kebab shop.

Now, I know I got on the train to East Croydon. That is for certain. I also know that I closed my eyes as I was feeling very tired and knew that I had a number of steps in which to kip before I got to Croydon. But once again, thanks to the delights of alcoholic drinkery, the rest is a blur and I was soon abruptly woken up by a 119 bus driver who wanted me to get off as I was at the end of the bus route in bloody Bromley North!
How long had I been travelling?
How the heck did I get on a bus?!?
Bloody Hell it's late!
I had totally missed my stop meaning I'd have to get the next bus in the opposite direction, eventually arriving at my house about 1:15am!

Flip me I was tired, but it was a bloody fun night though!


Merry Christmas Everyone, Have a fantastic day! x

*Just in case you might ask, I don't remember hearing any of Alex Park's stuff so weather or not she was good, my street cred is safe for now!