Have A Happy Chavy Christmas

a very funny email sent to me by Rachel Archer on 14 December 2005,
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There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, butshe's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?

He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got oneup the duff, you have.'

Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled withspirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and Ireckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah,s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain'tno room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wivanimals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bringgold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's gotanother message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!